Dear Michelle,Good morning - here it is 3 a.m. and another sleepless night. I have given up on trying to sleep and got out of bed to write you a note. Today is October 27th a few days away from the anniversary of your death. It is impossible to believe a full year has passed. The pain of your loss hurts as much as if it were yesterday.
I keep remembering our conversation when you found out you were going to have a son. I called you thinking you were going to tell me you were having twins, but you said, "Hey Aunt Deb, I’m going to have my own little hunk of a man." That was your endearing way of teasing me because you heard those words from me all the time to describe my grandson Matthew.
Michelle, I am trying my hardest to comfort your mom. We have been spending a lot of time together. Religion has helped her gain some inner peace. G.G., your mom and I have taken a few trips to visit Joey, Erica and Matthew. I share Matthew with his Great Aunt Linda. I know it is bittersweet for her because she misses Cassidy so much. A few of your friends with their new babies get together with your mom also. She does have a wonderful support group. Last Christmas before your mom came home from Meredith’s, her former Connetquot cheerleaders got the key from her neighbor’s and decorated the most beautiful Christmas tree ever! We walked into her home to find a spectacular tree full of sparkling lights and all new ornaments in red and white. It was wonderful to see the tree all set up. We just stood in front of the tree and cried. She was so thankful for their kindness and thoughtfulness. It was the perfect surprise for your mom. They plan to decorate another one this year too. How I wish you were here also to be a part of the celebration. I know Christmas is your favorite holiday.
Michelle, I think of you constantly. When I walk my dog around the neighborhood, it could be the strangest thing that makes me smile. The autumn leaves were falling and blowing with a warm breeze and I looked up to the sky and felt your presence. While on another walk, I saw balloons on someone's mail box saying, "Congratulations You Did It!" and the tears just filled my eyes thinking of you. I get so angry and don't know how to express my feelings. You graduated high school and college with honors, accomplished so much getting your CPA. For What??? To be snuffed out and it is all over. Your life was taken away from you too soon. You were supposed to outlive your Aunt Deb, your mom and dad, not to mention your grandmother.
Michelle, do they have shoe stores in heaven? Remember you promised to take me shoe shopping with you. I always admired the way your feet looked in shoes not to mention how great and sexy you looked in a simple beach cover up.
I wish I could see your smiling face.
Love you forever with all of my heart,
Aunt Deb
3 comments:
Thank you so much for your letters. For those of us who did not know Michelle, it is so nice to hear about her life, not just her death.
I was fortunate enough to know Michelle in college, but sadly lost touch with her after graduation. She was a beautiful, smart, funny, kindhearted woman and her smile lit up a room. When she walked into a party everyone knew she was there. She had an indescribable presence about her and I am so glad that I was fortunate enough to know her.
This blog is as beautiful as Michelle and your stories about her keep her memory alive but also show how much she is missed. Your hearts are broken because of what happened and I know that they will never heal, but I hope soon there is closure for all of you and Cassidy can be reunited with Michelle's family and friends.
I, too, am happy to hear about Michelle's wonderful life and how she touched you all.
God Bless You All.
Dear Michelle's Aunt Deb,
I wish to thank you so much for sharing your letter to Michelle.
Sami
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